Glossary of Neurodivergent Therapy Lingo
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Created by Brendan Mahan, The Wall of Awful represents the barriers that make it difficult to complete tasks. In Mahan’s ebook, they share what the wall of awful looks like as well as different ways to get through the wall of awful. Jessica McCabe, from How to ADHD, created a wonderful video with Mahan that explains this concept with great examples. 

The Emotional Impact of a Personal Wall of Awful

Let’s take the example of a closet in your house that is so cluttered and unorganized that you cannot stand to think about it. Opening this closet door is like bracing for a dam to break.

The closet may be a mix of towels, board games, wrapping paper, books, and old lamps to name a few of the random items. It’s a mess! Not one thing is placed in an organized manner.

One bad move and all the towels topple to the dusty floor. This messy closet is like the wall of awful we see looming above us. We can’t move through it, and no way do we want to open that closet door and have it pounce on us.

The bricks of the wall of awful are so often made of piles of shame, a repeated sense of failure, disappointment in life and ourselves, embarrasment should anyone else see what’s really there . . .the list goes on and on. We feel too helpless and drenched in shame to do anything about it now.

Years of failing at organizing or organizing inconsistently have created such a strong wall of awful that even thinking of tackling the mess bulging behind the crammed shut closet door (that might only take an hour to organize) will feel impossible to start. So, how do we engage this wall of awful?

Ineffective Strategies for Overcoming The Wall of Awful

Mahan gives a list of ways that work and don’t work to get past our walls of awful. Here are some ways that don’t work:

• staring at the wall (ashamedly ruminating over the need to organize the closet)

• trying to go around it

• purposefully avoiding its existence

• maybe even tossing items in the closet without caring where they belong because looking at the closet is too overwhelming

A way that technically works but isn’t the best for relationships with ourselves or others is “hulk smashing” the wall of awful. That might look like angrily cleaning the closet while blaming other household members for not helping.

It might also look like internalizing - that is, actually cleaning the closet and feeling such deep shame and embarrassment while doing so for not cleaning it sooner.

This doesn’t get rid of the wall of awful, it just strengthens the wall of awful for next time. 

Ways to Reconcile with The Wall of Awful

So what works? Putting a door in the wall of awful or climbing it!

Puting a Door In The Wall of Awful: Shame Withers in the Presence of Empathy and Support

Putting a door in it happens when you change your environment to make it easier to complete the task.

One great way to do that is body-doubling. For example if a trusted and emotionally safe friend or family member comes over knowing you want to complete the task of cleaning the closet, their presence will help support you and help you regulate your emotions while you work on the task.

Climbing the Wall of Awful: Awareness and Acceptance

Climbing the wall of awful is also powerful and can decrease the size of the specific wall of awful you are dealing with. Climbing the wall of awful requires awareness, acceptance, and action.

You have to know you have a wall of awful if you want to reconcile with it, and accepting that it is there takes courage and reflection.

This may be a focus in therapy, reflecting on various walls of awful that make tasks feel debilitating or that make you feel shame for not being perfect.

Climbing it can also be accomplished through mindfulness meditation. Giving yourself a chance to truly center and calm yourself can sometimes make your body feel safe enough to complete difficult tasks.

Music can also help you climb your wall of awful! Creating a music playlist of upbeat or enjoyable songs can make you feel energized and motivated.

Reframing Failure: A Multifaceted Approach for Diminishing your Wall of Awful

One other option Mahan mentions combines both climbing the wall and putting a door in it. They call this “Reframing Failure”.

If we want our walls of awful to crumble, we have to give ourselves gentleness to reflect on our perception of failure. Does that failure present new opportunities? Does it teach us something about ourselves we didn’t know before? Is it actually a failure or are we just treating ourselves unkindly?

It’s great to work on any reframes with the support of therapy 1) because sometimes reframes can be inherently shame-ey - as if we had been feeling the “wrong” way and 2) as a way to strengthen self-esteem and self-worth as you change your relationship with these walls of awful. 

Embracing Self-Compassion and Action

It’s not easy to move from frozenness to action with the wall of awful without support and self-compassion. It’s not easy to unlearn shame-based action. But it’s totally doable when we get the support and learn the skills to help support ourselves with empathy and compassion.

We’d be honored to help you connect with your innate empowerment and self-compassion. They’re there, even if they don’t feel accessible right now.